I remember.
I remember those hands, that once held me, my hand, hugged me.
I remember being so close...
But yet, it doesn't matter anymore.
We both grew, and moved on from each other.
I know that it will never be the same again for the both of us. Not everything has changed, but we ourselves have. We both grew, we changed, we left each other.
And when I saw the same person again, the feelings have changed. It is that of looking at a person I was once with, and knowing exactly that even if he confessed again, we still won't be together, because we are different now, a distance has already been created which can't be bridged again.
It is that of looking at a person that you were once together with, can you imagine that? All the memories, I saw some clearly, and probably, you were thinking of the same things at that same time, but. But. They will simply remain as memories to be faded with time. It was not of friendship, but not of lovers either. It was simply, of, an ex. Really. Just, filled with lots and lots of... how do you even put that in english? 遗憾。That's the word. But it's not regret, not 后悔. It's just simply that. A sense of loss, a sense of what we could have been, what could have continued, yet not regretting everything or anything that has happened. A sense of acceptance, of understanding that this is all part of the growing up stage, that the world doesn't end. Life doesn't. We accept this change, and move on, a fresh new start. A new beginning, a new year.
My friend reminded me what that feeling was like. It was exactly like 柯景腾‘s feelings towards 沈佳宜 towards the end of the movie, 那些年，我们一起追的女孩. They might still have feelings for each other, but it's always in a small part of their heart. Of what could have been, of realising what they missed, and what could have been, but at the end of it, that... it really doesn't matter anymore, and what matters is that we grow because of what happened, or even because of what did not happen. And like the movie, I was filled with so many so many unanswered questions. But they don't need to be answered anymore, and they can't be answered in any case. They will just remain as unanswered questions, for ever. Perhaps we all already know the answers to the questions, perhaps we don't. But at the end of it all, those questions, will remain in our hearts for ever. It is a bittersweet ending. It has been painful, and it still hurts, but, I can still smile and look towards the future, and that's all that matters. (:

This will be my last post on this blog. Please contact me if you want my new blog address, thank you! (: